Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
