Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
