and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
