ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
