I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
