he puts the penis in happiness.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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