dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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