I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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