This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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