barbara walters just said penis...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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