My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
