Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
