from now on my penis is your penis
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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