Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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