I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
