Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
there's paper in my vomit.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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