Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
