I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
