just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
