All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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