Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
