When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
