so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
