He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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