omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
