Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
