My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize