So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
