he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
