Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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