My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
