I think my fart just growled at me.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
