I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
