Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize