I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
