Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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