I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
