Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
