I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
