The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize