I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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