I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
