addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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