I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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