just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
