**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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