Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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