So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
