Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
