I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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