I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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