she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
