walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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