god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I need water and some morals
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
