Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
this is an emotional support booty call
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
