Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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