i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You are the jesus of drinking
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
