you guys were way drunker than both of me
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
