How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
