I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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