I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
