ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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