Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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