Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You are a genius and a whore.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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