New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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