ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
is wine microwaveable?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
